I was questioned by my beautiful Cousin Felicia as to why I felt it necessary to stop my medication. I suspect I have other friends and family who may be wondering the same thing (especially those who saw the mess I've been) and it occurred to me that people going through similar circumstances may be curious to know this as well. The short answer is, I've come to believe in seeking solutions through Mother Nature whenever and wherever possible but this answer does not always sit comfortably with others. I know many would believe this was an unwise decision on my part so I wanted to explain further as to why I feel this was and is the right choice for me. To do this I will have to go back in my history a bit, so please indulge me.
I've been diagnosed with a familial benign Essential Tremor. This is a trembling that can manifest in the neck or the hands, and runs in families. The benign part means it won't kill me. : ) Some of you may remember Katherine Hepburn. She had an Essential Tremor. My tremor is in my neck, as Katherine's was, and makes my head shake. I can remember my Grandfather's hands being shaky. My uncle also has this issue. My mother developed it in her neck when she was 60 or so and it is quite pronounced at this point in her life. My sister, who is ten years younger than myself, has recently, to her chagrin, developed it in her hands. I was the first one in my family to get diagnosed but unfortunately this only happened about ten years ago. I've had symptoms since I was around 16 years old. I never knew what it was and since it only manifested under stressful circumstances I would work hard to avoid those situations or self medicate, with drugs and alcohol, to ease the stress. In my early twenties it started to become more of an issue, especially since I decided to give up any usage of drugs or alcohol. After some research I came to the mistaken conclusion that I suffered from a panic disorder brought on by Social Phobia, and started seeking treatment options for these issues. This venture initiated the decline of my respect for our medical system. I won't go into all the gory details however I will say, it has been my experience that far too often the higher the education, the bigger the "God Complex". I eventually came to the decision that I would deal with it on my own and actually managed to deal with it for many years with marginal discomfort. Then around twenty years ago I was placed in a situation that changed things. A stressor had triggered my tremor while I was alone in the store I worked at serving costumers. I could not escape the situation which had been my usual course of action. This freaked me out and led to a full blown panic attack. The very kind custumers were far more concerned for me than upset with me but the situation had been very humiliating and extremely stressful. I ran to the doctor's the next day pleading for something to alleviated my panic as I dreaded the idea of this happening again and I could not afford to leave my job. Since many anti-depressants are also effective in calming anxiety, and are believed to be non-addictive, my doctor thought this was the best option for me. Thus began my long relationship with anti-depressants.
They actually worked beautifully. I still had the tremor but as my anxiety declined and my confidence soared they were rarely an issue.
Although depression and bipolar disorder do run in my family, and I have for periods throughout my life suffered from bouts of depression, the anti-depressants were never prescribed for this reason. I wasn't dealing with depression at the time. I was actually functioning quite well and embracing a lot of wonderful changes in my life.
I was very fortunate to respond so positively to Prozac, but it did take a while, with many hits and misses and dramas along the way, to find the right med for me. And although Prozac made me feel fantastic while on it, anytime I tried to wean off of it, a major depressive episode would occur. Once I was diagnosed with the tremor, I no longer worried about panic attacks and felt it especially unnecessary to remain on the meds. But now I couldn't get off without sliding into the pit of Hell along the way. They may say anti-depressants are non-addictive but I would strongly disagree. The withdrawal may only occur months later but it does occur and it's not pleasant.
At this point some may think, well why wouldn't she just stay on the Prozac? It made her feel good and appeared to be doing no harm, what was the problem? Well, you see, I don't really believe there was no harm being done. And I have very strong convictions about living in harmony with Earth and Spirit. For my path, altering my brain chemistry with an artificial substance is not in my best interest. I knew eventually I wanted to be free of it.
Anytime I tried to get off it in the past I would break down and run back, not ready to face my demons, not feeling strong enough to walk the long dark road. This time I felt determined, ready, and strong. It was just a deep grounded knowing that it was time, there would be no turning back. I'm happy to say that as of Thursday past I've been on a steady ascendance and today I actually feel mighty darn good! I think the darkness lasted about three weeks. One of the issues in the past was not knowing how long the road through Hell would be. I think I got off pretty lucky with three weeks. I don't know if this is the norm. I don't know if my healthy lifestyle changes and spiritual practices have shortened the duration. I do know these changes helped me through without once a thought of going back on the meds, or hurting myself, or worse, killing myself. They made the terrain bearable.
So that my dear ones is the long story of my choice to get off of medication.
To anyone considering going on anti-depressants I would say, exhaust all other avenues. Try the natural route first. (My first ex husband developed a product called Veeva which I've heard nothing but wonderful things about. Please check it out. He's a man of great integrity and I know that if he's behind it, you can trust the quality.)
To anyone thinking of coming off of anti-depressants I'd say, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're ready and this is the right decision for you. Consider that for some people medication is the best alternative for living a life of quality, and that there's no shame in that. Make sure everything else in your life is contributory to a balanced body and mind by incorporating a healthy diet, an exercise routine and some form of spiritual practice before coming off the meds. Do some research into supplements you can take, such as essential fatty acids and B complex vitamins, that are helpful in supporting brain chemistry balance. Be sure you've got a good support system in place. AND be ready to face your demons! Lastly be sure to wean off slowly.
I hope this information is helpful for anyone who may stumble upon it.
Much Love,
